Invent the Possibility of Burning that Shit UP!
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Dear you, Isn’t it crazy-making to feel stuck? Or (a crafty variation on stuckness) to do the same thing over and over again, hoping for a big change, and instead . . . getting the same result? Ah, imagine lifting, or slipping or springing gracefully out of that stuck state—what a dream! Or is it a fantasy? The question is, How to turn such a dream or fantasy into reality? Slipping through. Lifting, lightly, springing free. Hmm. I invite you to think about ONE habitual state of stuckness. Notice how it feels. Then apply the words out loud, like a salve slipping through. Lifting lightly. Springing free. It’s like hearing a Bandaid for the mind, out loud. This is a playful experiment in changing your brain . . . Whether it’s hashing out (and responding more eloquently) in our minds to a criticism, or looking at an office full of paperwork (again!), or remembering a festering family sore (covered up, perhaps, but still there) . . . those neural pathways can loop and loop again and bang up against the same reason, excuse, hurt, frustration, whatever. In my next couple of newsletters, I’m going to offer up a few experiments to alter those loops . . . These are, remember, neural pathways—sometimes created soon after we were. If our ‘stuff’ is first-family related, the neural pathways are often nearly as old as we are. (Cuz whatever our parents or caretakers were doing when we were eleven, they were often doing when we were babes in arms. And, yes, lots of other good and reparative things happened, too, I know, I know. I know that. Still: our early attachment brain maps are very sticky—they had to be, so we would survive whatever was coming next.) Anyway, that doesn’t mean we can’t change old or outdated neural loops. Beyond all other things, the brain loves to learn, and in neurophysiology-land, that means, to change. In my clinical hypnosis work, I sometimes invite people who are stuck in a certain state to play with the following words: “I’m inventing the possibility of . . . .” slipping through. Lifting away. Springing free. There you go! Fill in the blank with whatever you need, whatever is the opposite, or the absurd counterpart, to the stuck/hurting/confounded state. This may also be an effective way to COMPLETELY change the brain’s subject. Distraction is valuable if it leads to better flow. Or if it’s full of wonder, awe, laughter. So the invention may be in a different area. Like, I’m inventing the possibility of sitting down and working with ease for 4 hours. I’m inventing the possibility of writing this newsletter every ten days without fail. I’m inventing the possibility of not eating leftover Halloween candy. ** Recently, troubled by an exchange with an acquaintance and colleague who was lacking generosity of spirit (or whatever) I began to soak up a strange feeling of . . . lack, of internal poverty. My usual generosity felt a little . . . cramped. It was weird. Then I took stock of a few of our recent conversations, exchanges, favours asked for/expected (by this person, from me). I realized what had occurred. In therapy speak, as you may remember from a few letters back, I received the projection. Another's internal hungers and dissatisfactions--abracadabra!--became my own. It was so weird. And of course my psyche harbours deep fears about this very subject, so the hook caught. By recognizing what was happening, I caught it right back and carefully removed it. As usual, I had to bow down and take my own medicine. I spoke aloud and wrote down variations of these phrases: (Incantations have power, even before and after Halloween.) “I’m inventing the possibility of feeling the abundant sweetness of all my friendships and connections, even with strangers, dogs, and trees." "I'm inventing the possibility of embracing the creative gift of my life.” “I’m inventing the possibility of making healthier choices in friendship.” And (surprise, this came in spontaneously, out of neural left field, so to speak) . . . . I’m inventing the possibility of svaha . . . (How could I have forgotten?!) Elongate the first syllable and add that 'w' sound—svwaaaaaaaaa-haaaaa—like they do in the mantras . . . Try it! . . . such a soothing sound . . . ** Svaha was not invented by me. Obviously. It's a revered word/concept/goddess in Hindu and Buddhist ritual and mantras. More broadly: no word is invented by any one individual: that’s part of their power. Language is always a collective invention; when we write, speak, sing words, we are in community. Also true is that each time we encounter, engage, and allow a Courage Word to soak in, in a physical, brain-based way, we do invent it for ourselves, feeling into and experimenting with its significance from within our own bodies / imaginations. Being a long time (if lazy) polyglot and word explorer, I’ve come to believe that subconsciously we may be nourished (or aggravated!) by the etymology and long usage of a word itself. Every word has history: when we use the words, that history enters into us. So maybe Svaha is inventing another possibility of me . . . Svaha is a beautiful Sanskrit word, often heard in different mantras in Buddhist and Hindu practice. I have a friend on Lesvos whose ashram name is Svaha. And he is like his name! The word is often simply translated as ‘letting go’. The mantra associated with Svaha (or Soha, the Tibetan pronunciation) relates to release, healing and surrender. Yet there’s more: the sexy back story! Svaha is the Hindu goddesss of sacrifice: the surrender to fire . . . smoke, burning, transformation. Long ago, Svaha was in love in Agni, a Hindu fire deity (who, alas, didn’t even notice her; he was besotted with a group of wives married to another man). Being a goddess, Svaha transformed herself into each of these other wives, seducing Agni in the woods where he’d gone to mope and feel guilty. Each time they made love, Svaha threw the seeds into a golden vessel, from which three children were born . . . It was her (rather sneaky) relationship to Agni, the fire deity, that contributed to her identity as the goddess of sacrifice and transformation. She is sometimes called The Wife of Fire. (I love that!) ** Thus I invented the possibility of changing the whole dynamic—inside myself. After removing the hook of the ‘impoverished" projection. I took a little jaunty two-step away. The person lives far away, is not central to my daily life, my family, my work. More a distant colleague, I realized. Without taking on the projections, I’m able to hold the relationship respectfully, and much more lightly. I am inventing the possibility of healthy distance. (Can you imagine? Yes! We can imagine. That's why dreams and fantasies are so useful . . .) To honour the original and most enduring Svaha, I also took my various scribbled notes and incantations outside and burned them among the tomato plants. The tiny lanterns of the last red fruit glowed above the orange and smoky flames. Burn, burn . . . It was SO GOOD! My inner witch arrived. The garden flagstones are still scorched and black with ash. This spontaneous and joyful ritual took place the day before All Hallow’s Eve. Do you also find it gleefully satisfying to burn things? If the answer is yes . . . May you invent the possibility of whatever you need or desire. And (perhaps) of burning something you don’t . . . Bon courage, Karen P.S. Next week, I’m going to invite one of my more GENEROUS colleagues, Coach Waqas ur Rehman to share some of his work here. Waqas works with people who are stuck—and struck with trepidation and nervousness at the thought of public speaking. He’s a public speaking coach and I’ll share one of his newsletters and resources with you. Please share it with anyone who has voice anxiety. P.S.S. Just in case you missed this, for people interested in my first EVER Olive Grove Retreat, please fill out this survey to share your thoughts / fears / wishes. (Naturally don’t worry about it if an Olive Grove Retreat is not your thing.) To those who’ve already contributed suggestions, I’ll be sending you a note soonest, outlining our next steps. Thank you again for your thoughtful answers. They've helped me A LOT. ) |